I still feel 22-- "happy, free, confused, and lonely in the best way". Yep, it's "miserable and magical". (Haha Taylor Swift's always relatable.) I am thrilled of what's in store for me in the next years, but I would also like to look back and reflect on 27 things I've learned and realized at this age. I decided to make a photo diary instead because I am inspired by kuya Geloy's photographs and Abbey Sy's photo journals (but actually, I'm running out of vocabulary).

Whenever I find myself feeling bleak or comparing my timeline to others, I remind myself of this truth: I am living in my answered prayers. Minsan di pa nagsi-sink in. Has it truly been 12 months since I packed up my life and moved to bustling Manila?

I never had a problem with waiting. As a person with many hobbies, I can entertain myself (read a book, catch up with Duolingo, listen to music, etc.) while waiting. Not until you realize you're racing with time. Not until you realize you're getting old and everybody is grabbing what they can-- fame, prestige, riches-- just to survive. Not until you realize the train will not wait for anyone and will pass by when it has to. Insecurity sets in.

I felt this during the time we had to look for a thesis adviser. It felt like a race choosing an adviser who could help you conduct your thesis abroad. That was every graduate student's dream. I remember I had to keep that desire to myself, because I've seen that... the train's packed already. I had to step back and see I was still far from the next in line.

And I've learned that stepping back is fine. Waiting is fine. My circumstances still turned out fine. I'll just wait for the next train ride. :)

They say that hope is a foolish thing. Then I guess, I'd rather be a fool than not hope. 

Chaos is bound to happen in this world-- that's already predestined by the 2nd law of thermodynamics. Reality means there are hardships, heartbreaks, climate change, wars, and fights. Hope is believing there's a beautiful ending to all of this, that there's light at the end of the tunnel. If hope is what we need to take the next step in the dark, we take every version of hope we have to get closer to the light, even if we don't live long enough to see it.

My hope's anchored in Jesus Christ-- the One who saw that if going through all those persecutions would mean our salvation from this world, then He would willingly take up the cross. And the hope is not in His death but the overcoming it. To leave this hopeless world in the hopes of having an eternal home free of heartaches, then, to hope in Jesus is not a foolish thing.

I am so happy I've tried running. I've never been athletic in my whole life-- not counting those times I've played patintero every afternoon way back in elementary. I'm competitive when it comes to playing team sports but running is different because the one you're competing with is... uhm, yourself? Finishing two kilometers before was a hard task for me already. I can't imagine I'm doing 5k or more now.

Looking back, there are many times I've given up. I have countless Day 1s. Yet running has taught me that there's no endurance when there's no perseverance, and the countless Day 1s can lead to the 1 Day I can finish a marathon. 

All that matters is that I show up.

Life is a journey not meant to be taken alone. And I really thank the Lord for sending me people in every season I am in. Like every season talaga. From my highschool barkada, college blockmates, colleagues in DepEd, classmates in graduate school, roommates in Manila. Yes, people come and go but how the Lord has strategically put these people in the right place at the right time is beyond me. I can't imagine where I am right now without the help and company of these people. 

I am never self-made. I am every bit of these people. And if one day, I'll wander again, I know God will send help.

-------------------------

Yey! Finally launched this photodiary. I was so excited to post this weeks ago pa, but life got in the way. And December has been so busy?! All I want is to take my time, sit down, and do my passion projects. I've shared 9 things, 18 more to go. Crazy. I was planning to share all of it in one go, but I realized that would take me a long time to finish. Crazy to think I could do it, I'm not even a legit writer. 

Here's to taking things more slowly and steadily. No rush in posting all of it, self. Haha it's the Christmas eve! May your heart be glad and peaceful towards the end of the year. Let's finish the year soft. <3

P.S. To my dear reader, what is one thing you've learned this year?

Actually, I have a lot of things in mind on what to do with Paperless Post. My cousin's graduation is nearly approaching and Paperless Post would be really helpful in making an invitation for her graduation party. The platform offers a lot of categories of events you can choose from. It ranges from baby showers to weddings to organization activities. Find them here: https://www.paperlesspost.com/cards/section/invitations. If you can't find a particular event, you can always start in a blank document and customize it on your own.

Using Paperless Post was easy. You'll be done in a few minutes. Their postcards too don't cost too much. Once you've registered to Paperless Post, they'll fund you with a start of 25 coins so that you can explore the platform. It really costs you less money because you don't need a graphic designer anymore, you don't need to pay for his talent fee. And most importantly, it costs you less time because everything you need to do in achieving a perfect event esp in the invitation part e.g. inviting the guests and delivering the invitation to them, Paperless Post does it for you.

I am really glad to be working with Paperless Post in this blogpost. It was really an eye opener for me and realized that things can be made more practical than they usually are. This should be a start of the revolution of going paperless, of de-cluttering, of remaking our tradition of keeping our memories by improving the memoir itself.

I feel like I've woken up in a very beautiful dream and it's still so vivid to me even if it just happened a weekend ago. These two-day workshop that the DOST-SEI had prepared for the scholars of MSU-IIT was a very huge success and had harvested 200 patriots.

It's been roughly three months since the day of DOST-JLSS Examination results came out, the day that my name has been part of that list who luckily passed. And just days ago was the contract signing and became a DOST Scholar officially. I want this scholarship so bad since I don't to be leeching off my parents anymore for my weekly outings and extravagant needs.. for short, it just boils down to MONEY. But it never occurred to me how heavy my responsibility was until I joined this Formation Program.

I was really excited to be a DOST Scholar and it is of my will that I wanted to be part of this program, to at least give back or to express how thankful I am to pass the exam. Only 200 scholars were invited to be a part of it-- at first, the list wasn't even filled up because most scholars aren't interested, thinking that it's just a program full of boring lectures. AND to think the program has no registration fee! And free snacks and lunch and dinner and breakfast! And we get to enter PRISM (a 200-M worth research institute building) for the first time! Plus the experience! How can I say no to that! This was the first time DOST-SEI had conducted this formation program. It would be such a great privilege to be part of it!!!

I was really excited.. but I was still late for first day, kinda. Well, I just really barely arrived on time, seconds before the program started. Teehee

DAY 1

When I arrived at PRISM, I was really shocked that we get to receive bags! A bag filled with a shirt, a raincoat, a notebook, and a pen. We also received IDs. Promise, we really are greatly accommodated. Of course, the program was opened by Dr. Biyo. Yes guys, Dr. Josette Biyo, herself!! The one that had her name in one of the planets! Planet Biyo. Check out how cool she is.

First, we had the Human Bingo Card which was really fun with my fellow scholars. This was my first time to be with them, to know some of their faces. The first four scholars who get to complete the card will receive a journal signed by Dr. Biyo! Gorgeousss. But I haven't won because I was too busy signing other people's cards (Harry Potter fan; person that has nail polish on toenails; youngest in the family, etc.) than letting others sign mine. I don't mind because I really had fun!! Next activity we had was Humanizing the Scholar. We were given letters (which spell out Patriot), a paper human and a current issue, where we received "Depletion of Natural Resources". The letters will be the first letters of the body parts, and attach it to the paper human. Then we'll explain how we can lessen the problem by using the body parts we've attached.


After that we had the Kapihan!! It was really entertaning!! I did not expect this part of the program. Hahaha. Well, this part was just like in a talk show. One host, which is Prof. Confesor, who acted like Boy Abunda, and then three DOST former scholars were invited to be interviewed as guests. 'Boy Abunda' did a great job, infairness. And the guests, their stories were really inspiring. ♥

• SOCIAL RESPONSIBILITY - to always remember that we need to give back to our community and to help other people succeed; to promote nation building
• SERVANT LEADERSHIP - to influence and be a good example for others to follow; to pass on something worth keeping, like values and skills, to survive in this world; allowing and teaching your members to stand up on their own
• PROFESSIONAL EXCELLENCE - to do your best at all times to also give best results; not just to achieve a profession but to also excel on it

credits to DocuTeam of the Patriot Program. (that's me, the one holding a phone, so busy capturing memories hihi)

Hello guys! I've been hiatus for nearly a month, but anyway, hello September! I owe myself and you guys with a post. This update should've been up 2 weeks ago, when I watched a livestream (sponsored by Globe) of Coldplay's concert in LA, California, which made me inspired to make this. We all have our favorite bands right? And hey, mine's Coldplay!

P.S. It took me some time to finish editing all the lyric art in this post, and the background photos are not mine, and the lyrics belong, of course, to Coldplay.

Twenty years of Coldness

Coldplay (for those who don't know them, saaad) is a British rock band composed of four members: Chris Martin (vocalist), Johnny Buckland (lead guitarist), Guy Berryman (bassist), and Will Champion (drummer). Such band was formed when they were still in college way back 1996!! Guys, 1996! HAPPY 20 YEARS OF COLDPLAY! Imagine how bands nowadays have a very short span of showtime, and Coldplay has maintained their cool for 20 years. Indeed, they had proven that they are worthy of their band name! (iykwim) Below is a list of my top 20 favorite songs of Coldplay, as a tribute to them!

There ain't a problem that a Coldplay song can't fix

One of their first songs in their first album "Parachutes". I really like its beat on the first note, I feel like I am swaying to it while listening. This song is about a person (or a guy) who really likes someone who doesn't even give a damn about him, that "always gets her way". The guy clearly is willing to wait for her, no matter what, waiting for her to give in-- waiting for her to shiver.

19. DON'T PANIC



Still one of the first songs of the band, and one of the chillest and coolest. I first heard it on the livestream of their concert, though and what swooned me so much by this song is that a part of it was sang by Johnny Buckland! It's just refreshing to hear other voice than Chris's. This song emphasizes that "we live in a beautiful world" that even though the "bones that we've fought for" are "sinking like stones" (that even if we fail at times after all the effort we had given in), we don't need to panic because after all we have "somebody to lean on".

18. A SKY FULL OF STARS



A song from Ghost Stories. Truth to be told, I'm not fond of songs that are loud and fast, but this song is an exception. I just can't not be in love with this song especially when it's like reaching out to you, "You're a sky full of stars, and I'm gonna give you my heart". My self-esteem boosts whenever I listen to this song! Imagine how beautiful stars are and then that person gets reminded of you whenever he/she sees them. Awee

17. US AGAINST THE WORLD



Belonged to Mylo Xyloto. This song just gives me so much feels, of melancholy and nostalgia, because of its beat and music. Started with a cool tune, and ended so perfectly. This song tells us that life is so full of hardships "the tightrope that I'm walking just sways and ties" and evil "the devil, as he's talking, with those angel's eyes", but it also tells us that "whatever you do, don't let go". This is Coldplay, giving out hopes since 1996.

16. LIFE IS FOR LIVING

This track, Life is for Living, is a very short song hidden at the end of Parachutes's Everything's Not Lost. Short it may be but it is already meaningful that it really took my attention to listen to it and to wait till the end of it. The song started by someone who's reasoning out that he never meant to do wrong and that if ever he did, he wants to ask for forgiveness. I want all people to hear this song and get the message of it. We must let down all of our pride to have that person back-- we just can't live alone. The line "As my head just aches, when I think of the things that shouldn't have done" is just so sweet. Is it too hard to say you're sorry?

15. INK

I really find the tune of 'Ink' so danceable that I haven't noticed the lyrics much, until I focused onto it while doing the dishes. You think at first that this song is a heartbreak song, but it's totally the opposite. He is so inlove with the girl that he's "dying of thirst" and that he loves her so much his heart hurts from the constriction. This is just so romantic.

14. TRUE LOVE

Tell me I'm not the only one who thought this song is a love song. I was so ready to get all the mushiness from the song, and then tada... The title is such a 'clickbait'! Haha. The first lines will tell us that he even had lost the love he had once, and he still can't get over with the fact that his lover was gone that he's even willing to hear lies. Tell me, he's desperate. If you don't, then lie. Sigh, things you sacrifice for love.

13. AMAZING DAY

I thank God for Coldplay, because even though I (currently) don't have someone that makes my heart beat faster than normal, Coldplay will eventually do it for me. This song makes me imagine all the beautiful things that happen when you're in love or when you're with your loved one-- always an amazing day. "Oh thanks God, must have heard when I prayed, 'cause now I always want to feel this way."

12. CHARLIE BROWN

I admit that I first heard this song just two weeks ago, still while watching the livestream, and I was really disappointed of myself of how could I ever overlooked this beautiful song! The lyrics and the meaning of the song is everythinggg!! The guitar riffs in the intro were perfect! I really liked its tune! I loved that the song is suggesting so much hope, that we should be the ones carrying it, that WE ARE THE HOPE. The first lyrics prove it, "In my scarecrow dreams, when they smash my heart into smithereens, be a bright red rose come bursting the concrete." Be so positive that you could grow a bright red rose out from a concrete, or you can think of it like this: be the best you can be out from your hardships (concrete). Light a fire, a motivation, a purpose, to your heart.

11. EVERY TEARDROP IS A WATERFALL

10. SWALLOWED IN THE SEA

I immediately loved this song the first time I heard it on Spotify, because of its clarity and its blaring stream of calmness-- like the calmness of the sea. But I never thought this song has a sad story; another song with a person left behind by his lover, which is I think because of his shortcomings to his lover. My favorite line (on the lyric art) turned out to be very disheartening, because sometimes it's indeed true, "what good is it to live with nothing left to give", when the one that held everything has left you with nothing, feels like swallowed in the sea.

 9. CLOCKS

This song came off a very jolly tune, and we all love to sing with it but actually I had a hard time decoding this song, of what it really means. One time I even concluded that I can't understand it. But now, here's my theory. The person is running out of time and for him everything seems to go against his way, the lights going out, the tides, the closing walls and ticking clocks. I think he was trying to get his lover back, because for him, she is home and he wants to be at home.

8. UP&UP

One of the best songs in A Head Full Of Dreams album released last year, 2015. This gives out so much positive vibes and sends out hopes and assurance that life keeps moving on, that you have to stand up whenever you fall down, that you should bring yourself UP even if it is as impossible as "emptying an ocean with a spoon", just don't give up because there is always hope, and second chances and "see each sunrise as a gift."

7. PARADISE


I can super relate to this song since I can see myself as the girl who closes her eyes during stormy nights. There are just times when you can't handle everything that's going on in your life, problems here and there rocking the boat, that you would badly want to take a break and escape to Paradise.


6. VIVA LA VIDA



This song has been famous ever since it has been conceived! The slash of the first tune by the violin is the start of the story of a king who was victorious at first but became miserable as time went by, and realized that his "castles stand upon pillars of salt and pillars of sand." Sounds familiar? Remember that time in your kindergarten/elementary years, when you used to be the kid who got it all, from ribbons to medals, but you realized when you entered middle school/ college that those victories didn't matter anyway, that the world is a big competition and you find yourself losing? You think of them and you sighed, "That was when I ruled the world" and now I "sweep the streets I used to own." There, there.. It's okay.

5. EVERGLOW



THIS SONG! I was really hooked to it when I first heard it on Discover Weekly on Spotify. That marked the moment I became a Coldplay fan. I only knew a handful of Coldplay songs, the classics, and this song made me want to discover more. The song meaning is so damn golden! The piano part swoons me real hard and I always feel like crying whenever I listen to it. It is about remembering someone, a loved one, that has died or has left. "They say people come, they say people go", but that person considered that someone as "celestial." It tells us that even though we feel sad and empty and cold from the fact that someone has left, we just need to remember the light that person had given us, let it everglow in you. I discovered this song sometime when my batchmate, Jacob, died last year, such a timing, and this song always reminded me of him.

4. IN MY PLACE



Most people would relate to this song. I don't know why, but the air around me usually gets heavier whenever this song is played, like its tune is forcing you to meditate or to think of it all, your problems, all your regrets, etc.. At the first lyrics, "in my place were the lines I couldn't change", you suddenly realize how a debacle person you are. Whenever I want to be alone, I just plugged in my headphones and just drown with "In My Place."


3.  THE SCIENTIST



Of course, who doesn't know about "The Scientist"? Almost everybody sings with it whenever it is blaring on a speaker somewhere. When the first piano chord was played, it always sends a chill on my place. Like it is a cue of something so phenomenal, and indeed, it is. This is a song of nostalgia, of sorrow, of homesickness, of terrible longing, that's why I always sing and emphasize the part "Nobody said it was easy" with such grief and loneliness. For all the hopeless romantics and brokenhearted people out there, this is for you.

2. FIX YOU



Funny how Coldplay makes you feel everything with their songs. At one moment, you were engulfing with your sadness by listening to The Scientist, but then the next on your playlist "Fix You" will lift you up again tremendously. Either Coldplay will bring you to the pits or lift you high in spirits, there is no in between!! It's like every line of the song is like staking a knife on your heart but all you can do is nod and cry: "When you try your best, but don't succeed" Ack. Nods. Cries. "When you love someone but it goes to waste." Ack. Nods. Cries. The cycle goes on until the chorus part, the lift-you-high-in-spirits part. Huhuhu I love you Coldplay, you always know what to fix.

1. YELLOW



We're down to the last one! You know the magic word! It's YELLOW. It's not my favorite color but it's my most favorite song. This song never fails to make me fall in love in every line it sings to me. I think this is the 'father' of the song 'a sky full of stars', but not only the loved one is compared to the stars, but he also states all the things he could do to his lover.  He would even bleed himself dry for her, in short he is willing to die for her. How amazing that love is?! (Like Jesus Christ did for us ♥) I hope someday someone could sing this to me. This is a perfect song and I'd like to scream my heart and lungs out to it if it's being played. I hope if ever I could to their concert live, this is really my most awaited part.


There you go! My top 20 songs. I'd actually come up with 25 favorites but I just had to pick 20. Please do checkout their Strawberry Swing, Fun (ft.Tove Lo),  Parachutes, and etc. For all the great songs of Coldplay that aren't in the list, I hope you forgive me, I still all love you though. I'd love to hear from people what they thought of this. Are there other Coldplay fans out there? Do you also have a favorite Coldplay song? Please do tell me, thank you!