It feels like 2019 all over again. It's now 2024, five years have passed since 2019, who would have thought I would still be rushing to go to school early for my 6PM class to catch a glimpse of the sunset on the 4th floor of the building every Tuesday? 

Today is February the 14th. Same old, same old. I oddly feel the same compared to 5 years ago. Before-- young, hopeful, and full of love. Now-- still feeling young, still full of love, but not so hopeful anymore.

Why do I feel like it's harder to love and find a relationship now than before? There is something about how we can easily access now to people through technology but find it hard to really... connect. How is it that in this age of inexpensive ways of communication, it's now harder to say things what we really mean and easier to hold back what we really feel, as easy as the unsend button? Why is it that the faster the messages are being sent, the longer we say what we really feel? And why is it now harder to decide when we have options than we have none?

These are the things that have been bugging me lately, maybe because of the Valentines' blues (even though I try to deny that it is)? or maybe I am just back to where I was 5 years ago where I now have a lot of love to give... again. 

(Disclaimer: These are not just the thoughts that have been bugging me. I still have so much to post in my blog yet-- my Thailand and Vietnam adventures in the past year and my recent Siargao trip pictures surely are rolling their eyes at me already. Second semester has been going on also and I really should be working on my thesis adviser. BUT the introverted me with a lot of introspection going on inside my mind every day rarely gets to write it down. Haha and why am I being defensive? Just in case, someone's judging me wrongly here.)

I am the kind of person in a group of friends who bravely asks the group the question "where do you see yourself five years from now?" and guess what, I am now in that "five years from now" future and I am back to where I was five years ago, just in a different location.

But just because I feel the same, it doesn't mean nothing has changed. 

This is what I realized when I watched About Time again tonight. It has been my Valentine's tradition, with or without a valentine, to watch this movie every time since I don't know when. It doesn't matter when I started doing it but I just remembered that I really felt moved the first time I saw it. There was something about the simple love between Tim and Mary that I really long for. It was not pushy-- yes, Tim kinda altered time (spoiler alert!) so that something could happen between them but that was after they had really fallen in love with each other in that literal blind date. 

Rewatching it again, I still feel the same about Tim and Mary. I totally love their relationship and it is the movie that always reminds me to "marry someone kind" and "not everyone nice is boring". All the time traveling Tim did for Charlotte and they still did not work out, except for that one time. But at the end of the day, the decision Tim made to say No to Charlotte and still choose Mary is really the changemaker. Fate can only do so much, our decisions matter. 

But what made me sob tonight was the Tim and Dad part. I totally missed the importance of these parts before maybe because I wasn't mature enough and my head was full of things about love. I miss my parents, and as a person who doesn't miss people that much, I really do miss them it makes me cry. I did not realize the significance of the part where Tim had to choose between having another child and losing the chance to spend another time with his father until now. I still can't imagine the time when I would be in the same season Tim had. I really don't want to imagine.

So yes, I may have watched this movie many times, but I learned something new about myself tonight because of it. I still feel the same love I want to give but something has changed about it. This time around, I am more cautious, and I have set my non-negotiables and boundaries before giving out love once again. I now have more self-control and I am not much of a people pleaser anymore (me thinks haha). And I know now to whom I should pour my love and time more on.

So how to find love in this age (of an awkward late twenty-something phase) and time (of situationships and too much options in online dating)? I don't know hahaha that's why it's a question? 

But what this movie taught me tonight was that to find love in this age and time is to notice the small things we experience in our day-to-day lives. To be more present in the moment. We tend to focus on worries and tensions in life, and all these hopeless thoughts about love, that we forget to just... notice.

And realize that it's not that bad after all.

The future may be so uncertain, but to just be in the present does not seem so bad at all.

Currently at a cafe somewhere in New Manila. I am just killing the time before I am going to watch Tabing-Ilog Musical. This is the first time that I have decided to do something alone. I have watched a couple of theater acts this year because of my brother-- it was always his treat when he include me in his shenanigans. (I have yet to write a post on Hamilton!)

I realized that most of the time lately, I have only tried new things because other people had invited me, included me in the event, I had someone to go with, but not from my own plans and decisions. I think so far, I was afraid to do new things alone. 

It's now December. This year had surely gone by so fast, but unlike 2022, I think I like 2023 better. 

For one, looking back where I was three years ago, I am now in a place I did not know and could not imagine I'll be in one day. I remember professing in college that I was never going to take up Master's Degree-- fair enough, I was burnt out from studying before that's why I said that, char. But here I am. Having been a public school teacher for three years seemed such a faraway reality now. I feel like I am truly living my life just lately. I am rewriting my goals again. I am starting to dream new dreams once again.

I feel like I am truly living my life just lately. 

I've noticed that I usually write things down when I feel like crying or when things just get so heavy. So what is making me want to cry lately?

I feel old. Hahahaha. I wish I have done something more during the pandemic years. I feel like I have wasted a lot of time just because I took the easier route that time-- to be a public school teacher and have a good pay, all the while, rendering my service obligation. I did tell myself before to make use of the pandemic for such time was a season to learn new things while waiting-- but what I did was just learn Han-geul haha. My classmates and friends meanwhile were going out of their comfort zones, they were here in Manila earlier than everybody to find jobs. Three years later, they flourished in the work they've chosen, they've earned lots of growth and potential, and had been in a better place than three years ago.

I feel like I am starting from day one, and I am already old. I am still starting to hustle, and I do not have enough savings to start with, I feel so far from achieving my career goals and I wonder when will I or will I ever accomplish them. If only I could turn back time. At this age, I feel like I do not have the luxury of time to make mistakes anymore. I'm not 23 anymore. If I make a mistake in my career path now, I might realize it then when I turn 30. 

I want to cry. I know I felt all of this while looking at other people's lives. But I really I wish I knew better.

And maybe that's why I like 2023 better. At least, I'm finally moving on from what was holding me back. It took some courage and a leap of faith, but at least, I am now at a different place than I was 5 months ago. It really is good to go away from our hometown and grow and see what the world has to offer. I may be late, but I guess I am not yet too late. I am just starting. 

Still afraid but at least, and I guess, I am now one step ahead.

And truly, my comfort zone was tested here. My room now is extra small and has no air conditioning unit. I had to share a home with 7 girls-- luckily, our place had 4 bathrooms/comfort rooms, common area for studying, and shared lavatory. But it's nothing like my own room. I was also tested by how far the places are-- there's a lot of hiking because either it's too near to ride a jeep/motortaxi for, but too far to walk for. I miss driving with my car where I can go anywhere I want to, but I don't dream driving in this place-- just look at that immense traffic. 

While I really enjoy exploring new places before, I just don't have that energy here since if you want to go to a certain place, you have to at least have 2 arduous rides before you can arrive at your destination. Unless you're willing to shed some 200+ php for a Grab ride at a just 1-3km distance. Already explored different modes of transportation here-- jeep, bus, MRT, motortaxi, trike, e-jeep. I had funny experiences on each one hahaha hay nako ang hirap talaga ng commute dito, ang mahal pa.

So far, I am learning a lot in my Masters. I think I've appreciated going to school more now that I'm in Masters than when I was in my undergrad. The teachers here at UP Diliman are sooo intelligent and kind, especially my major teachers. I think I have more favorite teachers here than in my college, peace out. I am really humbled as a teacher. If these people have humility and patience to students like us who are already *mature* enough, how much more us who are teaching to younger students. I like that everything we studied, we were emphasized of its importance and practical applications that's why we are taking our studies with much more importance also. If only my teachers in the undergrad have translated their knowledge with that kind of passion also, I would've loved my course better. 

Wish me luck and pray with me in my master's degree journey! Huhu I am anxious once in a while if I'll be able to finish this on time. God willing!

I found good friends here. I am lucky enough that I have Jonnah with me in this Master's journey, but we're extra blessed with two girls from Mindanao plus they also live near from our dormitory! It's nice to have extra people who will also check out on us. Indeed, the more the merrier. The burden's lighter now. We are all adjusting in this new phase of our lives, but at least we're finding pieces of our homes with each other.

I am also thankful for our manghuds from MSU-IIT! They are a bunch of kind and intelligent people who are very helpful to us haha may we all finish Master's successfully soon! 

 

And yep, probably the best part of this place is that I have easy access to the best events. Haha I don't have to buy a plane ticket anymore to go to concerts and events I want to be present in! I just need money for to concert/gig tickets haha. Just went to Kodaline concert last September 14!!! with my Kuya, Jap, and friends we coincidentally met during the concert! <3 I also go out with my friends once in a while, but yup, just rarely because everybody's busy and it's very expensive to meet and eat out here!

I just also went to my first theater experience here in Manila! Thanks to my Kuya for making it possible for me to go to #TheLastFiveYears which is starred by Gab Pangilinan and Myke Salomon and directed by Topper Fabregas. I am really a fan of theater acts and I am happy that I have finally arrived in this status where watching it is at my reach now.

Since then, I always had a bad experience from my flights. I once left my phone charging at the airport and just noticed it when I was boarding the plane. I was able to convince the flight attendant and pilot to wait for my phone to be retrieved huhu imagine I was the reason for the delay haha. I also experienced already passing the boarding gate even though I have not yet checked in (gonna blame the Laguindingan Airport staff for this haha), so I nearly wasn’t able to board the plane. Whew

And just recently, on my first flight alone, I experienced my name was called on the speaker system because I am the only one who has not yet boarded the plane. I was early at the airport but because of miscommunication, I do not know where I should really go next. sigh I concluded I hate airports.

That’s why I decided to make this blog because you might be like me (I can feel you!)— anxious of what’s gonna happen in a flight, on what to prepare and what to expect, and always having airport jitters.

DEFINITION OF TERMS

Terms used in airports are so alien to me, maybe that’s why I am extra attentive but still get confused every time. I feel like everybody are just pretending that they know what they’re doing the first time. These are the following terms you might encounter in airports:

• Boarding - this just means the act of getting into the aircraft
• Check-in - letting the airline know that you'll be in the flight, which is available 24 hrs before the flight until 1 hr before the departure time
• Cabin Baggage - this is the allowable baggage you can put on the overhead storage inside the aircraft; only 7kg baggage per person
• Check-in Baggage - this is everything that cannot fit inside the overhead storage / cabin baggage
• Boarding Pass - this is your ticket pass so that you can enter the aircraft; will be checked at the boarding gates and when you board the plane

WHAT TO PREPARE

1. Wear something comfortable

When traveling, you could always use some sweater or a light jacket with POCKETS. Pockets are very useful so that you don’t have to open your bag once in a while just to get your IDs and boarding pass. Wear an easy footwear (slippers, sandals, slip in shoes) because you are required to take off your footwear at the boarding gates. Also, the flight can be cold so it is advisable that you wear close your feet with closed shoes or socks. 

2. Prepare your documents

If you are just traveling in a domestic flight (meaning a flight just within the country), all you need is your plane ticket and valid ID. You can either print your plane ticket or just show a picture of it on your phone. It is a different case for international flights, where there are a lot of documents to prepare, which I will discuss in another blog.

3. Prepare yourself

Have a good sleep before your flight because being in airports can really give you an adrenaline shock. Well, I was like that in my first flights. I have to listen to every announcement because it might be about my flight. 

Bring some light snacks because airport food is expensive. Do not bring liquids before entering the boarding gates. You can bring an empty tumbler though which can be refilled later. Bring also a power bank.

THE PROCESS

1. Entering the airport

You’ll be required to show your ID and plane ticket. After that, you will undergo first a security check-up which will require to put your things for scanning. 

2. Checking in

You will now line up to drop your baggage and check in. If you don’t have a baggage, and to avoid lining up, you can do online check-in (check your e-mail for this). If you want to be sure, you can line up for check in. After checking in, you will receive a boarding pass. 

3. Go to the Boarding Gates

This time, before you can go to the part where you now have to wait for your departure time, you will now pass another second security check through the boarding gates. Requirements vary in different airports but it is common to ALL airports that you must not carry any liquid more than 100 mL (because you might be carrying flammable liquids). Do not wear a belt because you will still be asked to take it off during security check. Power banks are also going to be checked (in some airports), there's only an allowable capacity. 

4. Wait for your flight

Once you passed the boarding gate, go to the seats nearest to the gate where you'll be boarding for the flight. The gate is indicated on your boarding pass. My advise is to not charge your phone in the airport to not have the risk of leaving your phone behind (like me). If it can't be helped, just sit near the charging ports.

5. Your onboard!

Please really pay attention and listen attentively to the PA speakers. There is time for everything when you're in flight. Listen when you have to fasten your seatbelt, stow away your desk, and open your window. Enjoy your flight! (if you're lucky to have the window seat, then take pictures away! it's your first time anyway haha)

Because of my series of travel flights and solo flights lately, I now feel confident how I navigate the airport especially I now have an experience of an international travel and I have passed through the Immigration... which I will share in a separate blog post!

Posting before my life becomes so busy again! My August travels definitely are the best so far! I now long to travel more, especially now that I'm not so afraid of airports anymore. 😉