For the past days, I had a constant struggle of being positive and to still trust God even in hard times. My heart was filled with doubts and worries about our thesis and not graduating on time. This was because even our thesis adviser do not encourage or comfort us regarding our status in thesis. He was so negative about us and he wasn’t even helping us finishing it, and even threatened us that we will not graduate this June. Last week was really hard for us, for me that I cried every night. I did even ask the Lord if he was angry with me because I feel like it has been us against the world always. 

“And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.” ~Romans 5:5

I had said in my last blogpost/devotional that I have been looking for a church that will help my spirit grow and I can be a part of with. Last last week, I attended a service from Rivers of Life Fellowship (ROLF) at Mcdo. And this Sunday I was invited by Cha, a friend of mine, to a ministry she usually attends to. It's Christ's Commission Fellowship or CCF. I really longed to experience the service in CCF since I've heard it from many people and I've been invited to it many times, I just can't find the right time. So when Cha invited me, I did not hesitate.

Little did I know, it was a great blessing to go to CCF since the message of the Gospel is so timely for my situation. The sermon started with the verse 2 Timothy 3:1-2.

It is said in the scripture that difficult times will come in the last days, especially by the time men will be lovers of, first of all, self. We are all guilty of this, right? Pastor wanted us to imagine a situation where selfie never existed, like when you and your friends had seen a waterfall and the first thing you do is to take a selfie instead of be amazed first of the majestic creation in front of them.

The point is we are so invested in finding what makes us happy and what makes us comfortable that we tend to forget to appreciate the things we are given, that are in front of us. I know this may sound revolting since I might be '"romanticizing" pain or mediocrity, but no, I am not trying to because I am referring to certain situations where this message could actually apply.

I'm referring to situations like we are worrying about things that needed no worrying about and more on our selfish expectations about the church and the people e.g. I might not be able to relate the songs being played at church; People might not like what I wear; what if I would still not learn and grow in this church; the church is quite ineffective, etc.

These situations happen because our focus in our lives is wrong. My focus IS wrong. While we were on our way to CCF, Cha and I talked about our expectations in finding a church, she talked about why she ended up in CCF and what she liked about it and I also talked about my story of wanting to find a Church, etc. We did not know that the solution for our questions and for our longing and soul-searching is not finding the right church, but finding Jesus Christ. The Gospel is trying to tell us that our minds should be more Jesus-focused. We need to stare at Jesus Christ.

I was really slapped with the truth during the sermon since all this time, I was looking for a church that could fill me up, thinking it would be a remedy for my starving soul when in fact I could fill myself up with Jesus Christ and His promises. I could not and would never find the perfect church for me if my focus was not on Jesus's. Below are the words written on the leaflet that was given to everyone at CCF:

If you have been coming and attending church for so long, you should be a teacher by now, and yet, a majority of churchgoers "suck" because we depend on milk being fed to us by our pastors, disciplers, partners,... We blame them for our lack of growth or productivity in the Christian life, "you didn't feed me enough". 

It was a dagger through the heart but a good one. I was again humbled. We complain for the things need not changing. What's putting us between this relationship with God is this selfishness we have. For putting our self first and our wants. (But it's not bad to put ourselves first, though, in some situations. I'll explain this some time in another blogpost.) It is time to get over me.

This is now a reminder, self, that we go to church for Christ and ONLY FOR CHRIST. It doesn't matter if I will be hearing the Gospel from ROLF, from CCF, or from the Catholic Church and from other churches. The point is the growth we are longing for relies on our hands, not for asking for input from others but instead offering them to Jesus and having a personal and consistent relationship with Him.

Let Jesus Christ our Shepherd fill our dry and broken containers with overflowing life-giving spring of waters. ❤

It's been a while since I've posted in the blog. I was silent in 2018?! Wow. 

Anyway, I’m kicking this year off with a devotional. I am currently looking for a church that will help my spirit grow and will strengthen my relationship with the Lord. Today, I tried to go to a service where some of my blockmates go to. (It’s held in McDo! Haha proof that you can pray everywhere.)

Here’s my takeaway.

Before the service started, the pastor called out some people to say some thanksgiving in front. Since, it was my first time in the group, I was still very shy and hesitant to go up front. But I realized that it looks like most of us feel the same way, a newcomer or not, because we all waited for a while before somebody finally stood up. 

At that moment, I wonder why are we hesitant to say some thanksgiving? Don’t we have anything to say? Are our lives that bad that we couldn’t think of something to thank for? Or are we ashamed? Is the Lord God not worthy to be thanked for? Are your blessings given by God are not that big or not worthy to be shared to others?

We shouldn’t hesitate to say thanks right? If we know that all the good that happened in our life comes from God, then He is worthy of all the thanks and glory right? There are just really times that the nervousness and the shyness gets the better of us. This happens, too, everytime we are asked to lead the prayer. Haha. All these second moments we take, I think, is a sign that our focus was not on the Lord’s because we are so busy of what others might say about us or if we might say something wrong. But when we think of just praising the Lord and acknowledging Him the glory, we could be thanking Him openly, wholeheartedly, freely! 

Also, “Thanksgiving is an attitude,” as said by the pastor. If we acknowledge that all comes from God, the good or the bad, and there’s a purpose why it happened, we will always be thanking Him and will not be complaining and grunting about why that thing didn’t happen according to your will. 

I was really inspired by the first person who volunteered to say the thanksgiving. She is currently a med student and she thanked for that time that God willed her to fail in an exam that she studied a lot for. She thanked that He hurt her because she realized now that back then, she was overconfident that she didn’t rely the med school/life/stuff to the Lord. Back then, she was confident that she’ll be able to top that exam but instead, she ended up having the lowest score. Despite all that, she thanked the Lord for she realized that surviving this med life would mean taking the Lord in the journey with her especially by the time she’s going to be a doctor. She realized to have humility in what she’s doing.

I was amazed by her testimony because it’s so hard to still thank for the failure? For the pain that it caused? This I know because I was once there. Last semester, I failed a major subject because I failed to pass the one and only exam. It was really a hard pill to swallow. But then, the pastor was right, “Thanksgiving is an expression of humility.” I admit that I was overconfident, years ago, I claimed that I will never have a failing grade because I know I can do it, and it was my mentality that anyone can do it, too. I admit that there may have been times that I looked down on some people who failed and would say otherwise. Now that I’m on their shoes, I resented my old self. It was a hard phase and it has been still going on quite lately but I am making amends with myself. 

I was overconfident and somehow, forgot about God and the surrendering the burdens to Him. Now, I am really humbled. And I thank You, Lord. For everything. Let our lives be full of thanksgiving. 

Last July 8, 2017, Saturday, it still seems so superficial until now but that day, we really felt we're on cloud nine when we saw and met the person behind the song "Malaya"! Moira dela Torre, of course. *iyak*

Weeks before the event, after Reese Lansangan's performance on SM, my friends Nicole and Jireh were interacting with SM CDO Downtown's tweet on who's the next artist people would want to come to CDO and perform. They both answered "Moira" with no hesitation!!! Well, I admit that I wasn't an avid fan of Ate Moira that time yet because "Malaya" was the only song I've heard of her, but damn, when I first heard it, that song was heartbreaking and tagos to the soul!!! So, I really want to see and witness her angelic voice. No matter what, even if we're still a town away.

I really give SM CDO Downtown five stars for the success in their tactics to increase their sales. They had proposed a meet-and-greet for Moira's event and we have to retweet their tweet so that we can get a chance to win. Deep inside me, meeting her and getting autograph would be great but I would like to give way to my diehard fan friend Jireh. Nevertheless, I RETWEETED. Ate Moira even interacted in the tweets that's why we're even more thrilled!!!! Yes, she's that down to earth. ;)


When THE day came, it turned out that Jireh was one of the five chosen people. Perks of being Jireh's friends, Nicole and I were allowed to tag along. ♥ It was really hard to swallow the fact that we'll be meeting a really great talented artist in a few hours! While we were still at the bus, we documented on how excited we were! JUST SO YOU KNOW, Ate Moira noticed it!! And even retweeted it. Isn't she a dear? *iyak* We are all really nervous not only because we're going to see her but also we are going to see her.. LATE. The event would start at 5PM yet we arrived in SM at 6PM! Smh to CDO traffic plus it was raining that time.



When we arrived at the event, Ate Moira is already singing her third song. (Btw, we're at the front row. Lucky us.) We really can't believe it in our eyes! In front of us is Ate Moira!! Then she announced that she'll be singing the second to the last song of the night, and we are so bummed because we just barely arrived and it's already ending? So we say our silent prayers, hoping that Malaya was still not sang. Huhu.



Guess what, the fourth song was "Malaya"! (If you still haven't heard it, please do look it up!!) We were so happy that our eyes brimmed with tears. She asked us to sing the chorus with her. She really is a natural. The voice you've heard on radio is exactly the same on live. She even put some twist in her angelic voice on the last part of Malaya, Jireh and I nearly melted and diededededdded. IT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL. I can't even.

The last song was a cover of One Republic's Something I Need. This time, his guitarist Kuya Jason, which turned out to be his boyfriend, sang with Ate Moira. These two really have a perfect chemistry!! Kuya Jason has a really good voice too. Really a match made in heaven. ♥

After the performance, we began to line up and being in the front row, we had the chance to be one of the first in line. When we were about to go to the stage, the staff mouthed to Ate Moira that we were the ones who came all the way from Iligan, and Ate Moira was really shookt and just said "Kayo yung nasa bus?" and all at once, we said our yes-es and nodded our heads strongly. We are so happy that we were noticed by Ate Moira. We gave our gifts to her (quads and bracelet) and we let our notebooks get signed by her. ♥ She hugged us countless times (but Nicole received a lot more *laughs*) and that made our trip a whole lot worth it.

We really took our time to breathe her in and remember how she smelled so good like the scent of spring and how soft her hands were. I also remembered the color of her hair since that's the color I really wanted. My friends took note of how flawless her facial skin was and the color of her lipstick. We are sick right? *laughs*

Ate Moira still can't also believe her eyes that we really came from Iligan City, that we travelled for her especially considering the current situation of our place due to the Marawi siege and the Martial Law. It was all worth it.


 Nicole was very emotional during the event!! She kept crying and can't believe that Ate Moira had hugged her countless times, as promised that we won't be going home without getting some hugs from her. ;)

We also did some selfies with Kuya Jason. Weee. But I regret not being able to have some autograph from Kuya. Huhu I wonder when we'll be the next time. Surely, we'll ask some someday.


The three of us thought that that was the end of the night. We decided to sent Ate Moira off, to see her go from the venue, to say our goodbyes to her. While they were surrounded by the security, we kept our distance and just waved from afar. BUT ONE THING HAPPENED.

Yes, she ran to us when she saw us!! Despite all that security surrounding her, she risked just to hug us one last time. HUHUHU we were really touched! And Nicole of course, poured her tears again. ATE MOIRA YOU ARE THE BEST! She is really down to earth and generous and gorgeously talented.

That experience was our topic the whole night! It was really a moment worth remembering. Is it wrong for us to think that we would be "forever friends" with Ate Moira? Well, let us be. We'll be her fans, her "Moira Trio", no matter what when and where. Looking forward to meeting her again soon! ♥