the cost is a joy

The busyness of the last quarter of the year has definitely taken my attention away from my quiet time with the Lord. I have been having sleepless nights and busy days, that sometimes I don't know where to put my quiet time anymore. But one thing that's adding to my list of to dos is ministry.

signing in as a volunteer every game night

I said yes to serving in Singles' Sports Community of our church CCF this year, just last February. But believe me when I say that I've never been to any game nights from the past year nor familiar with what's going on in this kind of ministry. I just heard from my Dgroup sisters and brothers that they had fun and that they were tired from the night before because of SSC. When my Dgroup leader and spiritual mom was looking for volunteers for the ministry this year, I really did not see myself at the start of the year that this would be taking so much part of my life.

I was hesitant. I was still finishing my thesis, and I don't want any distractions, aiming to finally graduate this time. I was just starting to pray for a Dgroup this January, to which the Lord has faithfully provided-- immediately! But serving? Every Saturday and going home late? Commuting from QC to Pasig? On top of my going to my Dgroup upline every Sunday also? I was reallyyy not considering it... yet.

I remember that one conversation I had with my spiritual mom and dad in their car just this January, when we were going to the wedding of our Dgroup sister.

Kuya Gen: "Gill, you know what, I really prayed before that you will not go back to Iligan last year."

Me: "Ahhh, maybe that's why I did not graduate on time! Because you prayed that I can't go home yet."

We just laughed but kuya Gen was trying to convince me to serve, and all I said was I don't know what SSC is and how it works, and I don't know where to volunteer. My heart was not really ready yet to serve because I had a lot of excuses. But maybe God really don't want me to go home yet.

Kuya Gen: "Just go to the Volunteer's General Assembly so just you'll see."

So I went. Now, I can say that saying yes to volunteering in this ministry has been one of my best decisions this year.  

join us in running!

But to be honest, lately has really been draining. Just because my work and ministry duties got heavier suddenly and they decided to happen at the same time. 

Lately, I am contemplating if I can continue this kind of life I have right now in the next year. I think lately was not sustainable. My ministry expenses really ballooned from last year. I have lesser savings even though I am earning better. My friend groups have increased, and maintaining these relationships I believe greatly takes a chunk of my time (and money), and to add, there's also the trouble of juggling these schedules with the other friend groups I originally have.

I could not help but think of the life I had before all of this.

I was doing my devotions this morning and I was led to meditate on Luke 9:57-62. 

The Cost of Following Jesus

As they were going along the road, someone said to him, “I will follow you wherever you go.” And Jesus said to him, “Foxes have holes, and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has nowhere to lay his head.” To another he said, “Follow me.” But he said, “Lord, let me first go and bury my father.” And Jesus said to him, “Leave the dead to bury their own dead. But as for you, go and proclaim the kingdom of God.” Yet another said, “I will follow you, Lord, but let me first say farewell to those at my home.” Jesus said to him, “No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for the kingdom of God.”

No matter how far I've drifted from the Lord, the moment I go back to reading His Word, He is just waiting for me to listen. So sooo faithful. 🥹 The passage says that "let the dead bury their own dead; as for you, go and proclaim the kingdom of God." Jesus was not saying that the things that we worry about-- our families, our relationships, our responsibilities-- are not important. He is just trying to emphasize that there is a much more pressing matter at hand-- proclaiming the kingdom of God, sharing the good news.

I'm similar with the man who made promises to the Lord but makes excuses in the execution of the promise. I said yes to the Lord and yes to following Him, but I still take some times to look back and wonder the life I left. Sometimes, I am like Lot's wife who still took a time to look back even though instructed that she should not.

But this morning, I really did some looking back. I took my old devo journals from the past 2 years and read my journey. God has really been faithful, He had sent a lot of people who helped me in my walk. I've grown (I'd like to think haha) spiritually and maturely, and have gained so much wisdom. I have lost my anxiety about uncertainties (I'd like to think.. again haha). I have faith in the Lord that all the things I have been worrying about, He will arrange all of it into order, while I fix my eyes on Him.

Even though I have lesser savings, I can still cheerfully give my tithes. Even though I am having late Saturday nights, I have Dgroup sisters and brothers who drive me home and are making sure I can go home safe and sound. Even though my trentahin body could not catch up already with the demands of the different physical activities and am needing longer rest days, I am still more physically active this year than last year because I am in a community that pushes me to be physically active. Even though I have a lot of friend groups now to juggle, I am finally walking with a community of believers who share the same struggles with me, but with whom I can lean upon.

Throwback to this message shared by Kuya Gen during the Volunteers' General Assembly 🥹

Kuya Gen delivered this message during the Volunteers' General Assembly, where I went "just to see". Now I'm still here, serving for 8 months already. Indeed, the Lord sustains the willing. He is indeed faithful. My season here in Manila may have been extended than the intended time I have seen myself, but the Lord has other plans. Very intentional indeed.

Yes, saying yes to the Lord entails a lot of cost-- comfort, responsibility, relationships, resources. But to see the goodness of the Lord in all these things, then yes, the cost is a joy to me. If more people will know Jesus in every game night I go, the cost is a joy to me. If Christlikeness is the end goal, the cost is a joy to me. If in the end of all of this is an encounter with Jesus Christ, the cost is a joy to me.

Even though I was busy with work and ministry, by God's grace, I was still able to graduate this year iyaq aq

This morning I am reminded that looking back is good when seeing it in the light of God's faithfulness. Looking back but not turning back. There's no turning back.

Not looking back with grief, but looking back with gratitude. 🤍

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P.S. be gracious with me if there are grammatical errors hehe