It's the last day of January.. and now that it is ending, it feels like I'm still trying to get started. Like I'm still about to start the new year. The month went by quite fast but just enough time for me to rest and think. 

Photo from Unsplash. (c) Holly Mandarich

I spent this last day of January with a blissful feeling. I had my usual Sunday morning tutorial class, did some laundry, took a nap, went out and bought some stuff, had some quality time with myself by eating something good at a nice cafe, drank coffee, watched Sunday service and spent time with the Lord in prayer. I ended my day with a good shower, new bed sheets, and a really good skin care routine. It feels so refreshing. Feels like healing.

And for that, I'd like to share something. 

Today's Bible verse is Proverbs 16:3 - "Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and he will establish your plans."

Commitment.

In today's fast and changing times, I observed that people find it hard to commit. It might be on a something (such as your current job) or a someone (such as your current fling :p). People had indulged in the notion of not having any labels in relationships up to not even considering marriages because they don't want to be part of something that is binding.

This I can attest in my struggle on whether I should take a postpaid plan to buy a cellphone or not. Why is this an issue? Because entering so means I will be 2-year bound by a contract, paying monthly.. which means I also have to stay in my current job for 2 years (or more) to securely be able to pay this postpaid plan.

I could not imagine that. I find it hard to commit that long. 

But why? And to this I realized. I think it's because I have no concrete plans of where I am going. Most probably because I'm afraid of the uncertainty. I can imagine what I don't want to happen but couldn't figure out what should and what I wanted to happen. I couldn't commit because I have not established my plans.

Now, Proverbs 16:3 reminds me of what it should be. 

So we must first commit to the Lord. Whatever we do. Wherever we go. Whatever season we are in, we must commit to the Lord. The word commit here I think means "to put into charge or trust" and "obligate; bind" (source: Merriam-Webster Dictionary).

After having been committed to the Lord, He will then establish your plans. Establish - "to bring into existence"; "to make firm or stable". He will then make clear to us the course of our paths. And this gives me hope, that I will eventually have a future in Him. 

As a new month is starting, before making any dreams & plans, before anything else.. may we first commit our hearts to the Lord so that our plans will also be aligned to His.

Thank you Father for this wonderful season I am in right now. It's hard but I'm excited to see the growth that can come out from this. I pray that for the rest of the year, I will never stop seeking you and will constantly yearn to read your Word. I pray that whatever I do and is planning to do will be aligned according to Your will. May this heart be always ready to commit to you, Father. This I ask in the Mighty Name of Jesus Christ. Amen. 

 It's around 2 AM when I started to do devotional I had put off the night before. This should be a week of Prayer & Fasting but not until Day 5 of prayer did I feel the presence of the Holy Spirit in me. I had not fed it well for a lot of days (or months) already and lately, I was really struggling in keeping myself awake while praying. Since Day 1 of Prayer & Fasting, I was not successful in finishing the Prayer Watch every night during CCF's livestream. Either I was too sleepy or I already fell asleep. 

Not until today, at this ungodly hour. 

Exhibit A: exception to the "Nothing ever good happens after 2AM".

I longed to feel this spark of faith in me for months already. I was idle in my spiritual growth and my spirit is so weak. But God is faithful to me. He never gave up on me despite my forgetfulness, laziness, unbelief.

I feel so blessed right now. I never thought I could finish the Prayer Watch. Yes, I finished it. Days ago, praying feels like forever. I've felt the spark to disciple again and realized how the Lord God had put me in a great position to influence. I am a teacher! How did I not ponder on this before? This now moves me to do better in my work and to always ask how I can train these children to the ways of the Lord. It feels so refreshing to have found my purpose. 

My purpose in Him.

As the Pastor was ending the Prayer Watch with a prayer, he said something about how we should seek God so that we will find Him. This reminded me how this verse was so true in my life. One time, I sought God even though I've not really understood the importance of Jesus Christ. I found a church that helped me grow, found people to be with in this journey in knowing Him, strived to expand my knowledge about His Word, and eventually, found the Word, Jesus Christ Himself, felt and understood His presence. My life's turning point was in that just one mundane morning.

That's why 'Seek Me and You will find Me' verse speaks so much volume to me. As I was ending my prayer, I decided that this verse is going to be my life verse. Days ago, my colleague asked me what my life verse is and I told him that I'm still looking for it. Now, I have a verse to share to him. After praying, as I was turning to my browser to search what verse was it, lo and behold, there were tears in my eyes because I didn't have to search it anymore. It was in front of me. 

It's today's verse of the day. 😭🙏

He is with me in this prayer time. He found me. I sought Him and I found Him. I feel so blessed!!! And I will not stop feeling blessed. 

I have spent many days with emptiness in my heart, no fire in my soul to do the things I once am fired up to do. Indeed, no one fills this heart of mine than You do. 

In the end, it is only by His grace that I still constantly seek Him. It is important to point out that if He were not faithful to me, I would not have come to seek Him. He first found me. 

This is my testimony. ❤

"Seek Me and find Me when you seek Me with all your heart." ~ Jeremiah 29:13