I had already given a letter to my friend during her wedding but unfortunately, maybe because of how hectic the event was (or probably because I did not attach the letter properly huhu), Sha was not able to receive it. Nearly three weeks had passed already since your wedding, here's my message for you, sanay ka naman na late ako haha <3

Congratulations to the newly weds Shelton and Sha! 

No words could ever express how happy I am for you two, Shelton and most especially, my dearest friend Sha. I'm actually still in shock of how things went and how fast time passed by. I was really in tears when you messaged and shared the good news to me. I know that you have really waited for this moment Sha, and I am really thankful that Shelton has found you. 

I can still remember your high school crushes and how you fangirl-ed Muslim couples and how you yearned to have what they have someday. I remember how I teased you and you just try your best not your kilig be shown. I am so thankful for all the memories we had in high school, Sha. I so hate the fact that we didn't have enough technology back then to record our memories. I remember how we were not clingy to each other and tease each other when we get clingy, "Gi yaksss clingy kaayo ka" hahaha. That's how our friendship was. And I am so thankful for it and for you, Sha.

 Life happened between both of us. College happened and we had different college barkadas.  I was not there for you most of the time in college but you still leaned on me at times and still trusted me with your struggles even when you were in USTP na. I may not be present in your wins and falls lately in your life-- you have found new friends, and now Shelton-- but know that I'll always be here cheering you on from afar, like you had always been cheering for me ever since.

I think the last time we saw each other Sha was when I went to CDO last June 2019 and I could still distinctly remember how you were happy for me for finally graduating college and you were ranting on how you were left behind and you feel like you're so old na haha. You are the kind of person with big dreams and goals with deadlines in mind. I understand the frustration you had because that's the trait I really liked about you, your perseverance in everything you do. I can also remember you complaining why you still don't have a love life hahahaha who knew that the next time we see each other is when you're getting married na? Who knew you'd be the first one to get married sa batch Zenith? 🥺

But looking back, if everything went "right" according to your plans, if you had gotten a slot in civil engineering in MSU-IIT and we would still had been best of friends in college, had you not transferred to CDO, had you graduated in college on time, would you have met Shelton?

All the "delays" you were complaining on before led you to meet Shelton. <3 Indeed there is no delay in God's timing. I am so happy for you that you are now finally happy and settled. The long wait has made love more worth it, right? God indeed make things beautiful in His time. 

To Shelton, thank you so much for pursuing Sha.. and for being her peace. I am happy that Sha is happy now because of you. It is so nice to meet you. Uwuuuu. May God bless your marriage with lots of love and happiness through and through. Stay in love, lovebirds. 

Your love story is such an inspiration to me.. it gives me hope and to also just wait patiently for mine to come. Charrr 

That's all for my message. 

(And I hope you had a good massage. Please commend my gift wrapping skills haha)

Love you, Sha. Hope you cried with tears of joy hahahaha

Love, 
Gillian

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DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE PHOTOS. ALL PICTURES USED IN THIS BLOGPOST ARE FROM HUGBIG PHOTOGRAPHY AND ARE USED FOR PERSONAL PURPOSES ONLY. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

 According to Physics, inertia is a property of matter by which it remains at rest or in uniform motion in the same straight line unless acted upon by some external force. In simpler terms, inertia is the reason why matter (something that takes up space and has mass) stays still if it is still, or keeps moving if it is moving.. unless there's an outside force to overcome or to counter it.

That's what I felt inside of me for the past months. Either I can't move on from where we stopped, or I can't stop from thinking of what could be. 

It is welling up inside me like a snowball rolling downhill, getting bigger and bigger and heavier as it gathers more snow, waiting for that one big rock to smash on and break its momentum.

I  also feel like I am a glacier waiting for the Titanic to break me into icebergs and drift away with the current. 

It has been 4 months. Four months of waiting and looking for reasons why I should continue to wait. Maybe I was still hoping that the Lord would grant my prayer, or maybe it was something you said that gave me hope. 

I've been swaying back and forth like a pendulum, from happy to sad, from weak to strong. It's such an irony that it feels like I am in a never-ending cycle of pain and happiness but also feel stuck. Stuck in a cycle..

I need to find a way to break out from this cycle. 

So, I wait for the external force.  I needed a reason why I should stop and let go.  In physics, this external force is usually in a form of friction or an air resistance. In my case, I guess we can call it "time" because as they say, "time heals." As time goes by, the feelings will fall out, memories will fade. Last time I felt this, I had to wait for two years. So for now, I wish time could pass by faster. 

But, external force could also refer to somebody new. I always want to know what's going on with you, always curious on what happened at your work today, always looking forward to events I could cheer you on. But maybe sometimes, we should have limits in knowing. Maybe there are just some things that are not meant for us to know. At the end of the day, I'm still happy for you.

Yey the momentum has broken.

or so I thought..

I am back in the Cycle days after. I am still stuck. Taylor Swift's "All Too Well" lyrics hits me harder this time, "Time won't fly, it's like I'm paralyzed by it, I'd like to be my old self again, but I'm still trying to find it." Haha thank you Mareng Taylor for always putting up the words my mouth can't speak.  

It took me a while to realize that "it is what it is", even though, I still hope it isn't. But it is what it is. I know it is important to remember the past and to learn our history, but it is another thing to be stuck in it. And I don't want to be stuck in it anymore. I want to be happy, too.

And I realized that it is by having simple decisions like this that we will be able to move forward or go slow. I have been looking for an external force when all this time, it's just within me. 

All I pray is that after all of this, no bitterness is left within me. To never stop believing in love and believe that someday we'll also be going to be loved in return, in ways we want to be loved. I have no bitterness within me now, and that is something I can at least take pride on. Within me, there is only hope.

Thank you for the every inspiration you've given me. 

For now, I'll move on.