one year later

Here I am, at a cafe in Maginhawa, taking my time to absorb the things that happened in the past weeks. The past months. The past year. It's nearly been a year since I last posted in this blog. I had been busy for the past year-- travels, thesis, work. I just realized now that I wasn't able to post because I was on the road.

Now, I have time to write and I feel like I needed to write because I am back at the crossroads.

Haha I just thought about such analogy, I don't know if I am making sense. I remembered the last time I felt like this was when I started my Master's degree, or maybe a time before that. When I took this Master's degree road, it took me three years to get to the other side. Thank God, He sustained me in these three years, and now, I am back at the crossroads.

At a literal crossroad here in Maginhawa

Today is the 17th of the month. I have made a pact with myself to celebrate the 17th of every month in a unique way til my birthday. Today, let's celebrate it with a blogpost. Haha!

One challenge I will take is to not use AI in finishing this blogpost. One reason why I was not able to post something in the past months, because I don't want to make a post for the sake of it, and just generate it through AI. And believe me, AI is really powerful and helpful in writing my thesis, that it's really tempting to write here with the use of AI. But I have made blogposts before (and I believe they are decent naman haha) without the use AI!! So given with my frontal lobe maturity, I guess I can do better now. I am actually tired of reading posts that are AI-generated-- maybe the thought was original but the tone was AI (seriously, I always use em-dash when writing, this is not AI, I swear). I would literally just scroll up no matter how genuine that person is. So I want my blogposts here to not be AI-generated also, so that when you read my posts, you will really hear my voice in your mind saying all these things... so are you hearing it? HAHA

Anyway, back to the crossroads.

The graduation is near, and I guess I have to prepare an answer to the question, "What's next?" 

That's the question I asked myself 2 days ago after I binge-watched "Teach You A Lesson" on Netflix (which is by the way such a great Kdrama!! The sleepless night was worth it). Well, I still have so many kdramas left unwatched so I guess, that's a pretty easy question to answer.

But what's next after graduation? Hmm, that is the hard question.

it's been a while since I went to a cafe just to chill

This was the question I have been avoiding from last year if I had graduated on time. But I got my answer, I had to stay in Manila because I still have to finish my thesis. Along the way, I gained new experiences, seen new places, and met new people. So I guess, my thesis failure last year was a blessing in disguise. Of course, God always has good plans.

But I could not avoid this forever, right. I could not keep on delaying my thesis just to delay the decision making I need for "what's next". Now that I finished it, I thought to myself-- the hardest part is done already. Little did I know, the harder part was after. I have to finally face the real world-- I have to apply for a job in a few months time, I have to save money, I have to start building for myself. 

The easiest decision would probably be to take doctoral studies (surprisingly...) but I would not take that road, probably ever.

Should I go back to Iligan? or should I stay here in Manila? I don't know yet. I still have commitments here in Manila, but my family is also in Iligan and I want to spend time with my parents. 😓 

But all I know with myself right now is that I'm not taking the easy road this time.

The only thing I hold on to right now is the verse my Dgroup ate shared to me from last year, on Exodus 33:14 -15. 

This should be my guide in making decisions and my prayer always, that if His Presence is not with me, do not send me Lord. But if the Lord allows, I will go. 

Do I have an answer already? Not yet. But last year, when asked with that question, I still get anxious. Now, thank God, because I excitingly ask, "what's next, Lord?" :) 

Everything's still uncertain, but I surely am at peace and feel rested. Imagine the time it took for me to get here. Indeed, "consider it pure joy whenever we face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance (James 1:2-3)". 

Yes, I am back at the crossroads. But the Lord goes before me, guiding me which road to take, and that's the only assurance I need.